Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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