I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
