he puts the penis in happiness.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
