Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
