You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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