I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
