By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
