Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
