You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
