Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
