now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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