i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
