I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
