I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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