I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
