That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
