After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
