that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
