wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
