Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
