Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
