so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry about my life...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
