So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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