I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
