My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
