Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
