We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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