I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
