Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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