I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
