$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The Olympian is in my bed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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