Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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