I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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