I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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