I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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