just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
