It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
