i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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