I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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