You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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