I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
