Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
