the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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