It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
