The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
