so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
