Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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