as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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