Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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