Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
