Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
