Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
