this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When did angry sex become our thing?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
