nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
