So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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